


Cream on Chrome

by SubwayWolf



Category: House of Cards (US TV)
Genre: Anal Play, Ben Wa Balls, Big Dicks, Bullet Vibrators, Cock Rings, Colon Snake, Dildos, Knotting Dildos, Lots of Sex Toys I'm Not Kidding, M/M, Sex Toys, Team Bonding, Vibrators, guys being dudes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-07-16 10:35:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7264555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SubwayWolf/pseuds/SubwayWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Underwoods send Doug out on a special requisition request. Seth and Edward help him test the products.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cream on Chrome

**Author's Note:**

> this one is pretty dirty lol. naturally it was kmmerc who planted this idea in me. it grew from there.
> 
> ps; if you're wondering, the blue wand i described is by Tantus, and so is the cock ring. and for the dildo edward tries, go on bad-dragon dot com if you're nasty!
> 
> pps; happy birthday, nathan darrow!!!! i really hope you dont read this!

Sometimes the President and First Lady required things that no normal staff member or servant could get for them. They needed personal items – lube, condoms, toys. Selecting the right products for the Underwoods’ tastes was a challenge, one that could only be tackled by someone whom they trusted, someone who understood them.

That person was Doug Stamper, of course. He’d gotten his hands dirty for the Underwoods in many ways. This was not much different. In fact, he enjoyed it. It was a way to personally serve them outside of politics. 

To make sure the toys were good enough for Claire and Frank, they needed to be tested. Doug had tested them on himself for years, but recently he’d been able to get some help.

Edward and Seth were over at his apartment, out of their everyday suits and ties and in casual clothes instead. Meechum was familiar with the process, and his input was valuable given that he spent a lot of time with Frank and Claire. But this was Seth’s first time here, and he didn’t know what to expect. Hopefully it was straightforward enough that Doug wouldn’t have to explain.

It made Edward excited to watch the unboxing and see what Doug had picked up this time. “Come on, open it,” he fussed. “I want to see what you got!”

“It’s like Christmas,” Seth joked.

Doug started to line up the toys on the bed, one after another. He usually got various assortments of the same toy, different colors, materials, and manufacturers, to find the perfect one. He laid down some prostate massagers, cock rings of different weights and sizes, leather cock-and-ball harnesses with metal latches, and some toys he had gotten specifically for Claire – curved g-spot vibrators, horseshoes, a hand-held vibrating wand, and some insertable training beads.

Seth covered his eyes with his hand. He was blushing. “I can’t believe this. Don’t Frank and Claire have a job to do? How do they even have time to do this?”

“I end up returning most of the toys,” Doug explained. “The Underwoods have changing tastes.”

“And they’re not just for Francis and Claire,” Edward interjected. “They use these toys on us, too.”

Seth took his hand down and gave the assortment of toys another worried glance. “Of course they do.” He picked up the wand from the bed. It had a wide, black silicone head, and the body was a shining, neon blue color. It was heavy and huge, almost requiring two hands to operate. “This thing is a monster,” he remarked with a hint of fear in his voice.

Edward laughed at him. “That color would look nice on you!” That made Seth blush, and Edward laughed at him some more.

Doug glared at him from the corner of his eye. “Please don’t touch.”

Seth put it down and immediately picked up one of the newer toys, two gold-coated, hollowed-out balls hanging vertically atop each other with a long cloth string to ease removal. Seth looked at them, perplexed. “I take it this isn’t a Christmas ornament.”

“They’re _ben wa_ balls. They enhance orgasms for women, and double as training devices to strengthen pelvic muscles.” Doug snatched them out of his hands. “So they’re not for you.”

Meanwhile, Edward had taken the bag for himself. He found the assortment of bullet vibrators at the bottom. His face lit up. “Wow, these look fun!” He took them out and put them on the bed. They were a variety of different colors and materials, from shining silver to soft silicone pink to plastic neon green, none of them longer than four inches. Meechum looked to Doug eagerly. “Can I try one?”

Doug nodded and went to get the lube, though Edward wouldn’t need much of it. “You can help me decide which one the Underwoods will like best. They looked similar, so I bought them all.”

As Meechum started stripping off his pants and climbed onto the bed, examining the vibrators more closely, Seth gave Doug a mortified look. “Wait. Is that why we came over here? To help you test these things out?”

It was nothing new for Seth to participate in group sexual activities with Doug and Edward, but he was newer to it than they were. It was taking a long time for him to get loose and comfortable. Whether it was a self-consciousness issue or lack of experience, Doug wasn’t sure. But it didn’t matter. He would get used to it eventually.

Doug had hoped Edward would break the news to him first. “If you want to leave, feel free. It’ll just take us longer to test and clean everything.”

Seth looked at the array of toys that were spread out across the bed. He flushed a cute shade of pink. “Uh, no. I’ll stay. If you need me to.” He looked back at Doug. “I mean, I want to.”

“Good,” Doug commended him. “You should see the second bag.” He left them alone for a minute while he went to go retrieve it from the living room.

When he returned, Edward was getting busy with the bullet vibrators. The room was filled with angry buzzing sounds from each of the tiny bullets, some packing a harder punch than others.

“Be careful, Meechum. They don’t have flared bases, so don’t put them in all the way.” Doug didn’t want to have to pull one out. They could disappear pretty deep up there, especially if Ed panicked and tightened up, which Doug was sure he would.

Edward nodded. His face showed concentration as he slid each vibrator in, one at a time. He left each in a few seconds to decide how he felt about it. His hole took them with complete ease, he didn’t have to muscle through any of it. They looked cute up his hole like that, sticking out an inch so he could hold on to the base. They buzzed hard inside his hole, straining his rim until it was red and wet. He was really enjoying himself. His cock was hard, resting flat against his tummy, going untouched at the moment.

“These metal ones are really nice,” Edward said as he tried them. “I think Claire will like them.” He pulled out the chrome vibrator and tried the next. “But Francis will like the silicone ones. They’re softer. And that pink one is just the right size, goes right up against my prostate. He’ll like that. Oh – and the remote-controlled ones. They have remote-controlled plugs, but these will be nicer.” He smiled sheepishly. “For _me_.”

“What about the others? Should we return them?” Doug had the receipts all organized and sorted in his wallet just in case. Most of the toys, they ended up returning.

“The plastic ones aren’t very good, they’re pretty loud. This one with the lights on it, it’s okay, but the vibrations are a little weak.” Edward pulled out the pink one from his ass and held it up for Doug to see. “This one here is just right.”

Seth grimaced. “What is this, some fucked up version of Goldilocks and the Three Bears?”

“Leave him alone,” Doug warned. Edward wasn’t listening to him anyway. “Thank you, Edward. Separate them accordingly once you’re finished.” Edward was already done, so he began to sort them into the piles.

Doug put the other bag onto the bed. It had much bigger things in it, all packaged individually. Seth saw how heavy it was and flushed warmer.

The contents of this bag were laid across the table next. This one was mostly full of vibrators and dildos. Many of them could be inserted into a harness and used as strap-ons. Others were double-sided. Some were silicone, some a see-through colored jelly, some glass, some metal. He had a few sets of anal beads too, some of equal thickness, some with increasing sizes, some metal and heavy, some light and plastic. Each toy was unique, expensive, and intimidating. 

Doug couldn’t help himself. He liked seeing Seth completely helpless. “This one needs to be tested for sure,” he said, reaching into the bag for dramatic effect. “I need to be absolutely certain the Underwoods will like it. I was hoping you would demonstrate this one, Seth.”

Seth was hesitant to agree just yet. “Can I see it first?”

Doug reached inside and revealed the most horrific-looking toy of them all: the colon snake. It looked like a normal-sized dildo, except it was only about an inch in diameter and at minimum four times longer. The tube of this particular snake was two feet long. It was only intended for one person to use, focusing on length play instead of stuffing, and the user’s ability to take as much as they can, deeper inside of them that any other toy could ever go.

All the color in Seth’s face vanished. He was ghost white. “Ohh, no! No, no, no. I’m not putting that in me. No way!”

Meechum could read Doug more easily. He patted Seth on the back reassuringly. “He’s just messing with you.” He gave Doug an amused look, like he was happy with the prank but couldn’t bring himself to participate in it.

Seth sighed with relief. Color started to return to his face. “Fuck you, Stamper.”

Doug didn’t apologize, just continued unpacking the bag.

One of the dildos in particular caught Meechum’s interest. He reached for it and held it in his hands. It wasn’t particularly big, just about six inches, but it was definitely unique. The head was pointed, it curved upward, had a decent thickness, stiff ridges along the bottom, and a thick knot right before the flared base. It looked almost alien, definitely not resembling a human cock. It was sky blue and white, hard silicon that was soft to the touch.

As he held it, Edward’s eyes lit up again. “This one. Can I feel this one?” He looked up at Doug like a kid in a candy store asking for some sweets. 

It was hard to say no. Besides, this was why Meechum was here in the first place, to try them out. Doug nodded. “Go ahead.”

Meechum looked up at Seth, who was standing near him. “Could you put it in me? Please?”

Seth flushed even darker. “Me? Oh. Sure.” Edward handed the dildo to him, and Seth took it in his hand. He examined it carefully, probably imagining how it would feel inside of him. He looked a little intimidated. “Are you sure you can take this?”

Edward already had his legs spread and was applying more lube into himself. “Of course I can.” This six-inch length was nothing to him, even the two-inch thickness was easy. Doug imagined he may have trouble with the knot. He seemed confident, though. “I’m ready.”

Seth handled it so the curve pointed upwards and the ridges were along the bottom of the shaft. He put the tip in first. They watched as Edward’s pink hole stretched around it and rolled over the head until it disappeared. Seth pushed more inside. The shaft got progressively thicker and the more Seth pressed in, the wider Ed’s hole had to open. Seth removed his hand from the rest of the dildo and gave control to Edward, who was slower and more deliberate with the knot. 

“Feels good,” Edward said through a shaky breath. He tightened up around it, shifting the rest of the dildo in Seth’s palm. “The texture of it, the thickness… Francis…” A whine rose in his throat. “Francis won’t like this.”

“I didn’t buy it for Francis. I bought it for you.” The Underwoods had not ordered Doug to do that, but the smirk it caused from Edward was worth it. Doug didn’t really care if this made Seth upset or not. He hadn’t bought anything for Seth, even though Francis and Claire encouraged Doug to involve him. But that didn’t mean he deserved special treatment, unlike Meechum, who deserved it.

Edward continued to fill himself up, and Seth, standing near him, fidgeted uncomfortably. His pants were filled out with his hard cock, just from watching Edward play with himself like this. He couldn’t take his eyes off the younger man, and it was really exciting him. He had a huge cock that was hard to cover up when he got excited. 

In an uncharacteristic wave of mercy, Doug decided to help him out. “Seth, can you try something for me, too?” He reached for one of the cock harnesses, a soft and forgiving silicone, purple in color. “I want to make sure it works for a man of your size.”

Seth looked at it for a long moment. He bit his lip nervously. “I’ve never used a ring before,” he admitted in a rare moment of vulnerability.

Doug used his fingers to show how easily it stretched. “It won’t hurt, I promise. Take off your pants and come here.”

Unaccustomed to taking orders, Seth hesitated at first. Then he unbuttoned his jeans, fumbling with them a little before pushing them to the floor and stepping out of them. His cock was rock hard and it tented his blue striped boxers, almost comically. It was so long and heavy that it couldn’t even hold itself up on its own and tilted down to the floor slightly. He took it in his hand, through his boxers, and hobbled over, walking gingerly because of the discomfort.

Doug felt the soft material of the ring with his thumb and forefinger. “Silicone lube doesn’t work well with this kind of material. Let me get the water-based one. Take a seat.”

As Doug went to lube up the ring, for little reason other than to help Seth feel less anxious, Seth managed to find a seat on an edge of the bed that wasn’t covered in sex toys. He turned over his shoulder to watch Edward, who had gotten half of the knot in now. The last two inches were dripping with lube that had been pushed out of his hole. He hand a hand up and was lightly stroking his cock.

“Are you going to come already?” Seth teased him. “I have a feeling that the fun hasn’t even started yet.”

Edward shifted his concentration and challenged Seth with a smirk. “I’ll come if you suck me off. Why don’t you?”

“I would, but I don’t feel safe getting on my hands and knees right now. Not while surrounded by these toys. I could be penetrated at any moment, I wouldn’t see it _coming_.” Nobody laughed at that except for Seth himself, who turned around just in time to see Doug on his knees.

“Hold still,” was all Doug gave as a warning before he began.

He had to stretch out the ring so that it would fit around Seth’s thick shaft. Then he rolled it down the shaft, slowly. Seth held his breath and grabbed the edge of the bed to keep himself stable. Once it got to the base of the shaft, Doug stretched it out and took Seth’s balls in his other hand, popping them through the ring one after another. He adjusted the position of the ring so it did not catch any of his soft brown pubes. He released it and it tightened up, choking the flow of blood to Seth’s dick and pulling his sack away from his body. 

The sensation was completely new for Grayson. He watched his cock swell up and darken a shade, his already heavy erection continuing to grow. He put a hand on it and flinched at the new sensitivity. “This feels amazing.” He stroked his heavy shaft with his thumb, completely impressed.

In no mood to be on his knees in front of Seth Grayson, Doug stood and looked down at him. “You can leave it on for a while. It’ll help you keep an erection for longer than usual.”

From behind Seth on the bed, Edward had taken out his dildo. “What, do you have problems keeping it up, old man?”

Seth turned around to glare at him. “No! I don’t!”

“Stop it.” Doug intervened because he knew they would keep going. “Both of you need to act professional.” He paused and started to unbutton his shirt, stepping forward to join them. “We have a lot of work to do.”


End file.
